Ventura, CA
www.myspace.com/marcusrvan
LHH: Congratulations on the exposure you've received from Pick Up the Mic! How does it feel to be apart of music history?MRV: I'm happy to be a part of it because I know it will pave the way for other revolutionaries. In my perfect world, there would be no need for a film such as this. We would be able to say, “I’m gay, or I’m trans,” and it would have the same affect as saying, “I like chocolate, or I’m from Texas.” Basically, it would be a non-issue.
I've been away the whole time the film has been out, so I have not experienced any of the shows or tours that have resulted from it. However, it has been nice to see individual artists that came from the film doing bigger and better things. It always makes me happy to see that.
LHH: Briefly talk about your hometown and your upbringing.
MRV: I’m from Ventura, California—a suburban beach town just north of LA. I grew up in the working class section of the town, but besides a few gangs and roaches, it was fairly safe if you minded your own business. There were financial hardships, but I grew up in a huge family, so I always felt the love of that. Mom, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and dozens of cousins kept me occupied enough to stay out of trouble. Books also made it easy for me to find new ideas and dreams to fuel me and lift me out of any adverse situation.
My mom’s a dreamer—that’s where I got my keen sense of imagination. She’s so dreamy, I promise she lives in the clouds. Maybe that’s why I am where I am today, sitting in some apartment clear across the globe because she never put the clamps on my dreams and ALWAYS encouraged me to aim high.
I have a Christian upbringing. I grew up in a small church that fed the homeless people in my area. I also taught Sunday school on Sunday mornings both there and in Taiwan. I love being active in the church because I love God.
LHH: As a teenager, how did you identify your sexuality? What types of emotions did you deal with during this period in your life?
MRV: I was 13 the first time I allowed myself to acknowledge that I was in love with women. I remember the moment distinctly. I had just ridden my bike home from school or work or something, and I felt the realization rush over me with full force. I gazed at the models on the TV and allowed myself to feel the desire that I had previously tried to amputate. There they were—luscious and gorgeous women that were all for my taking. I didn’t know how to process the info, so I didn’t. I just let the raw impulse to love come freely.
When I was 15, I worked at Mc Donald’s, had an affair with a 27 year old woman, and fell in love with my best friend. My best friend also happened to be having an affair with an older man at the same time. We assigned our affairs the code names: “Robert” for hers, and “Ronald” for mine. She and I would sit in Geometry class and discuss what had happened in our previous meetings with out affairs. Somehow we still managed to pass the class.
I eventually did hook up with my best friend. We never really talked about it, but it was nice. Eventually she moved, got married and had kids. I started to
doing music and becoming more involved with trans life.LHH: Why did you choose the name Marcus Rene Van?
MRV: Rene Van is the name that my mother gave me. There has never been an extra “e” on the end of my name that would indicate it as female, so it’s always thrown people off. I never thought about it, but it made one less thing to change. I came to the name “Marcus” as I was sitting with another friend—a Transman—and we were going through names. Marcus came to my lips and stayed as if it had been born there. So I kept it. When I said it together Marcus Rene Van, it sounded good to my ears. It was a new kind of completion.
LHH: How did you link with the rap group, Deep Dickollective?
Back in 2001, Juba K approached me and asked me to be a part of the project. At that time, I was still a spoken word artist, so I didn’t know the first thing about being a rapper or free styling. It seems that it would be easy because I have always loved words, but the first few months of going from poetry to rapping took some adjusting. Eventually, I found my rhyme and I’ve been flowing ever since.
LHH: What are your thoughts on gay hip hop? What improvements would you like to see in the movement? What are the strengths of the movement?
MRV: I think gay hip-hop is great and necessary for us. There’s a lot of passion and love, and it’s an outlet for us to reach others who need to know that we exist, succeed, and put ourselves out in the open. It’s always amazing to perform of gay crowds, because the love is strong and it lets you know that people support you and want to be a part of the movement.
However, I would love to see us fill stadiums that include people from all walks of life. I want to see us write more material that is inclusive of global issues, and not just gay issues. I suppose this is true for any specialized area of music. In the past, most of my stuff was trans-centered, so I was preaching to a sub-culture of a subculture. That was great for support and camaraderie. However, for this movement to progress, we must have wider appeal with our content. I want to see more integration into a larger audience base.
LHH: Many folks feel as though black men are the most demonized demographic. Do you feel the black man is respected in today's society?
MRV: Yes, black men are demonized, and there is a lack of respect. A big part of the problem is lack of fathers. Boys have to raise themselves to be men with the limited resources. This is very difficult to do, especially for men who do not know this is the problem. There are things that boys can only learn from men. This is one of the nuances of gender.
However, I still believe that we are all responsible for ourselves, regardless of race, class, or gender. The respect we must give ourselves needs to be greater than the respect that society gives us. Once we start respecting ourselves, then the world will follow because our actions will reflect that inner self-respect. We, as a black race, must be the ones to lift ourselves up. We must change our thinking. As Barbara Jordan states, “Do not call for Black Power or green power. Call for brain power.”
One of the newest billionaires in the world is a Black man from South Africa. The newest governor of New York is a Black man. Obama is Black. And there are others out there who said screw this “the man is holding me down” mentality, and decide to conquer the world. Those are the people I look to. The ones who decide to succeed despite all that is against them.
I am in Asia; I see ignorant views of the Blackness nearly everyday. However, I chose to not feed into it because racism doesn’t help me to reach my goals.
One of my favorite quotes comes from Arthur Ashe, the first successful Black tennis player. He says, “Racism is not an excuse to not do the best you can”.
LHH: You have spent the last 4 years overseas. Will you be returning to the US? Why did you leave the states?
MRV: I left the states because I wanted a change. I was stuck in a rut and needed to expand my knowledge. I knew the best way to do that was to come here and work and teach English. This has been the most enriching experience of my life. I have been in the closet fort 4 years, and that is no place for anyone to be. It’s cramped. I have done it purposefully, as I wanted to live as a male. But now I want to be open about who I am and still have all the success that I want. Once I figure out a formula for this—making being variation a non-issue in the grand scheme of things, then I will have realized a great self purpose.
I’m still playing this out over here, so I am not sure when I will be back to the states permanently. It’s comfortable here and life is easy, but I must also realize that since I am not out to most people, I am living in a bubble of sorts. The real challenge will come when I face the world head on, simply as who I am.
LHH: Many people would argue that its more appropriate for a woman to lean toward stud or aggressive instead of changing their sex. How did you know you wanted to be the opposite sex and not a woman that bends gender?
MRV: I’m stud. Hands down, in and out. But I live as a man because I like to, not because I have to. It’s as simple as that. Studs have always passed for male, so this is nothing new.
LHH: Where do you see hip hop going? Can it ever regain its shine?
MRV: To me, hip-hop is like your daddy’s old caddy. It was the ride back in the day, but now it’s outdated. I think the image of hip hop needs a face lift—period. I want to see artists like k-os , Bahamadia, Medusa, the Pharcyde and the likes shine. Some of these cats are old school now, but maybe there’s a new generation out there. In my opinion, hip hop needs something new or it can not survive. Lupe Fiasco is good, tho. He’s got some lyrics I like. And I still love the cars, too.
LHH: The industry is on edge over a new tell all book, Hiding in Hip Hop, that will out famous platinum rappers? What are your thoughts on gay media outing celebrities as a form of revenge?
MRV: Is this book a form of revenge or is this guy telling his story? I won’t know until I read it. While I want to see more open gay people in hip-hop, it’s a hard thing for people to swallow at first. Perhaps scandalizing is the first way that the public accepts it, and then later it’s eased in. Think Ellen, or even the whole phenomenon of so many gay males in movies now—they are quickly becoming the new “girlfriend” of the main female antagonist. There would have been a time when that was not seen. So perhaps this book will help bridge the gap in hip-hop in some sort of strange way. Remember: what people mean for bad, God means for good. (if you know the exact scripture, please share it with me)
LHH: How do you identify yourself now (gay male, straight male, etc.)? Emotionally, what has been the biggest obstacle in claiming this identity? What is the best thing about who you are now?
MRV: I present as straight male, but I am a stud. Always have been and always will be. The difficulty and biggest obstacle lies in the feeling that I must
make a choice to be one or the other. The fact is, I enjoy the privileges of both. I like to be able to walk in the world as a man. I also like to go and kick it with studs, my true brothers. The best thing about me now is that I am taking the time to get to know myself so I am better equipped to handle success and adversity. I didn’t rush into any huge transition plan. I am taking my time to know myself and this gender, and there is no rush.LHH: Homosexual stereotypes are often cited as one of the factors that distances heterosexuals from our music, our community and our voice (i.e. feminine men, masculine women, etc.) What are your thoughts on bridging the gap between gay and straight, not only in the music industry, but in everyday life?
MRV: We have to be able to see each other as human, and not as these stereotypes. I watched a show (30 Days) where a straight man had to go and live with a gay man for 30 days. It was really interesting because the straight guy only saw the truth that gays and straights have a lot in common after he went to a PFLAG meeting and met with the accepting father of a lesbian. That changed his whole attitude—that one conversation. (http://en. wikipedia. org/wiki/30_Days )
In order for us to truly bridge these gaps, we must connect with our similarities of experiences and not on sexuality. Just as it’s difficult for Blacks to effectively discuss racism with whites, gays have a hard time getting through to straights. Straight rappers and people have to do it, or at least help. This will get us past the divide.
LHH: Biggie or Tupac? Why?
MRV: Tupac for sure. His flow is flawless, his beats are hot, and his vision is unique. We was one of the most brilliant and prolific young minds of our generation. He had just crossed over into film and that would have done great things for many people who saw him as a role model. Rest in peace, man.
LHH: What has been the highlight of your music career thus far?
MRV: Continuing to grow as an artist and a person has been the highlight of my life these days. It has enforced my love of music and the belief that music is one of the best ways to bridge cultural gaps. I have also been exposed to a lot of world music, too, so that will invariably influence my style. I’ve also done many independent projects in Taiwan that have kept my flow fresh.
LHH: When and why did you begin rhyming?
MRV: I’ve always been an orator. I did speeches in high school and later moved into spoken word. I successfully competed in slams, but didn’t find that fulfilling. It was a natural progression to move into hip-hop. I worked with other trans artists like Jacob Perez and Rocco Kayiatos on some projects before Juba approached me to join DDC in 2001.
LHH: Describe your rhyming style. What topics do you like to address? Are there any things you prefer not to rhyme about?
MRV: I try to be like a musical instrument when I rhyme. I want to achieve total harmony with the beat and its vibrations. I think Stevie Wonder’s work does that a lot. As does k-os, and Ceelo Green. That’s why, when I write, I let the music tell me where it wants to go and I follow it. It’s not always easy, but I do end up with words that are specifically written for the nuances of that beat. I am still evolving, but it’s a great journey to be on.I think I talk about global issues, and I do address some gay or trans issues because it is relevant to me. But I’m trying to keep it open these days without hiding who I am in the music. I no longer want to rhyme about who’s holding me down. I want to focus on what’s lifting me up.
LHH: Any chance of a Marcus Rene Van solo release?
MRV: Yes, you can count on it. I have some tracks in the making now. Expect me to drop it early 2009.
LHH: How can fans learn more about you?
http://www. myspace. com/marcusrvan
http://www. facebook. com/profile. php?id=545796680
http://marcusvan. blogs. friendster. com/my_blog/
LHH: Any shoutouts?
MRV: I’ll give a shout out to you Money for keeping it real. And also, to my mom.